The curse of bella's gift
by cakesandpies
Summary: After Eclipse. Edward finally changes bella, but sometimes what you want, is not what you get. Edward/Bella. Warning: some chapters contain ADULT situations. Rated M
1. Chap 1 Bella's new gift

The day after the wedding, Edward kept his promise

The day after the wedding, Edward kept his promise. He changed me. And he was changed.

I woke up the morning after our wedding night. We were in his gigantic bed with the black satin sheets. He, of course, was simply staring at me. His eyes were no longer the liquid amber they had been last night. I could see the darkness creeping in to the edges of the irises. He was preparing himself. He didn't want to tell me too much about what his role would be, but I knew from Alice he would have to control himself more during my transformation than any other time previously. All the Cullens would be present and ready to step in should he lose control and be unable to stop himself from simply killing me. So he prepared meticulously to avoid that. He would need just the right amount of thirst to complete this task. That's all Alice would say.

"Good morning Bella Cullen."

I swallowed hard.

"Good morning to you too." I smiled.

"This is the last time I'm going to say this, but I have to try one more time."

I groaned audibly. I knew this speech practically by heart. You have a choice. You don't have to do this. I'll love you forever no matter if you're human or vampire. Etc.

"No more Edward, please. I know my mind and I'm ready."

He sighed and pushed himself out of the big bed. He slid into a thick black robe and walked to the wall of windows. After a moment I climbed out of bed and pulled his black t-shirt on as I made my way quietly to stand behind him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and felt him jolt. He turned in my arms.

"I actually didn't know you were behind me until I felt your arms." He smiled.

"Is that even possible?" I laughed.

"I'm distracted."

"I know."

"Bella…"

"Please Edward. We've said all there is to say a thousand times. I know it all. I'm ready."

I guess I imagined that this would be a ceremony or something similar to my wedding vows, but of course I was completely wrong. We did it at the kitchen table of all places. I sat in the chair and Edward sat next to me. The whole family, except Jasper was gathered around. Alice apologized for Jasper. He was too afraid he could not control himself.

Carlisle looked at me and nodded and I nodded back.

My very last word to Edward as a human was "Where?"

He smiled, kissed me and said, "Here, my love." Then I felt his gentle lips against my neck, then the cool smooth surface of his teeth, and then pain that flashed so bright it brought me to my knees.

Three days later, I awoke alone in a white room on a white bed. I sat up suddenly. I looked down at my arm and saw the I.V. sticking out of my hand. It was attached to a bag hanging from a metal pole. I read the label. "Morphine." I stared curiously at the needle, and realized I felt not a bit queasy. In fact, my skin felt like steel and the needle felt like nothing more than a mosquito that needed to be brushed away. I smiled and ripped the needle out of my arm and threw it on the floor. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and landed on my feet in a move that felt graceful and beautiful. I twirled in a circle and jumped and leapt with a dancer's grace. The Bella that tripped over her own feet was no more. I was still examining my own new body when the white door swished open and Edward walked in. His black clothes were in stark contrast to my white room and white gown. We looked like opposites and suddenly I was nervous.

"Bella" his voice sounded luscious to my ears.

"Edward." I spoke and the sound of my voice was delicate and beautiful.

"How are you feeling?" He asked tentatively.

I laughed. "I feel wonderful."

"Good, love." He smiled, but it did not reach his eyes.

Suddenly I felt his mind inside mine, or rather, attempting to go inside mine. I felt my mind put up a wall. I was aware of his intent a second before it happened.

"No peaking." I smiled.

"You can tell I'm trying to hear your thoughts now?" He asked mischievously.

"I can feel you, your mind trying to get in." I said in wonderment.

"Can you let me in, if you chose?"

"I don't know." I puzzled. I closed my eyes and said "try again."

He did and I felt his mind coming toward me with a soothing feeling and I pictured the wall lowering. His mind entered mine and I could feel it sweeping through my thoughts and memories. It tickled as he turned back the past and re-examined, now able to 'hear' my side of events. I felt time turn back to when he left me, broken and alone and suddenly that wall came slamming down hard.

I opened my eyes to see Edward holding the sides of his head.

"Edward!"

"No, its fine… just hurt for a moment." He smiled, still wincing from the pain.

"I'm so sorry." I went to him and put my arms around him. I gently stroked his cheek. "Hey, you're not cold!"

He laughed suddenly into the silence of the room. "Not to you now, not anymore" he said softly as he touched my arm, stroking it gently. His skin, previously so cold, so hard, was soft and warm…and alive.

I touched him in awe.

"How…How do I look to you?" I asked, unable to meet his eyes.

"Oh Bella." His voice was so pained that it brought my eyes snapping back to his. His face was drawn tight, mouth set. "You are still the most beautiful creature I have ever seen." He said with deep sadness.

"Don't be sad. I'm not." I said as I leaned forward and kissed him fiercely.

He broke the kiss after a long minute and put his hands on my shoulders. "Bella," he began, his voice strained in a way I had never heard before. "You've been in here for three days. This room, it's a special room…" he broke off again and turned and paced.

I realized I hadn't taken a breath. I waited, staring at him until he turned and faced me. "Just say it." I whispered.

"When you leave this room, you'll feel the thirst. You'll smell the blood and you'll need it."

"I know that." I was surprised by the steadiness of my voice.

"You'll be different…for a while. You remember that newborn, Bree?"

Truthfully, I had thought of nothing else. She was the only newborn I had ever seen and her vicious attempted attack on me still gave me chills. But she didn't understand about choices, about not feeding from humans. And of course, she didn't have Edward.

"Yes, I remember."

"That's how it is."

"Edward." I said, losing patience now. "I know all this. Do you think I'm not prepared?"

"No, no it's not that."

"What then?" I asked as I touched his face. His skin, previously so cold and hard was warm and pliant under my white hand.

"This is just overwhelming." He gave a small shrug of his shoulders. He pushed a button on the door and it swished open. He stepped through as he caught my hand in his and pulled me through. I was expecting to be overcome by the hunger for blood, the desire to feed, but instead it was a feeling that rocked me back on my heels. A feeling of loathing so completely washed over me. Distantly, I heard a painful grimace. I turned to see Edward, face twisted, shaking his hand to relieve pain. I looked at my own hand and realized that I had squeezed his fingers so tightly, I had hurt him. That fact alone would have been shocking to me if I hadn't still been overcome by these feelings that were swirling around me. Hatred, red and hot, filled my chest. I swung my head sharply to the left and saw Rosalie. Suddenly Edward was by my side.

"Rosalie?"

"How's Bella?" she asked, her voice a pleasant mask.

"Seems to be alright." He answered just as pleasantly. I was stunned by the calm exchange. Just as suddenly, the red hatred vanished and was replaced with calm blue serenity. I knew, without turning that Jasper had entered the small hallway. I spoke without turning.

"It won't help Jasper; I already know what's in her heart." I violently pushed his serene feelings back at him. I heard his gasp and crumbling of his body to the floor.

"Jasper!" Edward yelled and immediately went to his side.

"I'm alright." He breathed deeply. "She's sees Edward."

I turned at his words. Edward was standing now, staring at me. I could tell by his furrowed brow that he was trying, yet again, to read my thoughts. I had seen that expression many times before, followed by his frustrated oath at the inability to crack my mind. This time however, I heard him instead.

"Bella, tell me what you see?" his mind whispered inside mine.

"It's not seeing Edward. It's knowing." I flicked my eyes up to meet his and caught the alarmed look pass through them. I pushed my new skill inside him and for a brief instant I saw regret. Deep, regret.


	2. Chap 2 An impossible choice

A/N: Thanks for reviewing! Always appreciated. Enjoy!

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I woke up alone in Edward's room, the darkness like a shroud around me.

"Edward?"

He was beside me before I blinked. I turned into him, resting my head on his marble chest. I looked up into his face and saw a carefully schooled mask. I pushed back from him.

"What's happening? I thought I didn't need to sleep?" I asked, my voice, still strange to my ears.

He sighed and let out his breath with a whoosh and ran his fingers though his hair.

"You've been in and out of consciousness Bella."

I sat up now and swung my legs over the side of the bed. Edward was instantly before me, holding me still.

"How long has it been?" I couldn't hide the tremble in my voice.

"You've been in and out for three days now. Carlisle is trying to find answers, but something is going on with you and this gift you possess."

I pushed his hands off my shoulders with a simple flick of my hands. I strode to the glass wall of windows. I felt fine now…better than fine, but the pain from before lingered in me. I closed my eyes and tried to remember what had caused that pain.

I turned to stare at him. His beautiful eyes were amber now. Had he fed recently? Had I? I laughed bitterly that once I thought the worst of this new life would be the blood lust. Controlling it, denying it. I didn't feel thirsty. I looked at him and saw in his mind the recent memory of us feeding off a deer together. I couldn't remember though. My own memories since my change were scattered.

Now I could feel his mind gently pushing into mine again. I could hear his words but they were of little interest compared to the colors. They radiated from his mind. Blue, for fear and red for anger. I pushed further and saw his brow crease and his hands clench. He was angry at me for wanting this life and he was terrified that I wouldn't be able to control this gift. I felt his mind push back. It was a weak attempt; no more than a gentle wave crashing on the shore. I overpowered him easily and drank in his thoughts and feelings greedily.

"You regret this."

"Stop Bella. You can't just read bits and pieces and think you know the whole story." He approached me slowly.

"It's more than pieces Edward. It's all of it." I explained, still struggling for words.

"You need to learn not to do it."

I laughed bitterly. "I don't think that's possible. It's like trying not to see with open eyes!" Edward glared at me and I felt the frustration rising inside him. _She's too fragile, barely more than a child!_ His thoughts sounded so loud in my head. I had the urge to cover my ears.

"I'm not fragile." I glared back at him. I saw the shock in his face that I had "heard" what he said to himself. He ran his hand through his hair again and then put both his hands on his hips. I watched him close his eyes and then I heard his words inside my head.

"Bella, you need to learn to separate what is truth from what is a nonsensical thought in someone's head."

I spoke out loud to him. "I'm not just hearing your thoughts; I'm feeling what you feel. I know when you're lying. I see it."

I turned and headed for the door. As I reached for the knob, I felt the mind of the person standing on the other side. It washed over me in a sea of grey despair. Despair mixed with hope. I turned the knob and saw Carlisle standing there.

"There's someone who may be able to teach you." He said, not bothering to pretend I hadn't already heard and felt him. I saw it then, the word Carlisle had been thinking. It flashed black and dark in my mind. Before I could speak the word out loud, Edward was moving across the room to me.

"No! Not the Volturri. They'll use her Carlisle and you know it."

"Can they help me?" I asked.

"Not they….him. There's someone there, that lives among them. I've not met him, but I've heard…" he trailed off.

I moved quickly past him and down the stairs into the living room. Seated on the white couch, knees drawn up to her chin was the one person I needed to hear from more than anyone. Alice. I approached her and sat down next to her, talking her hand in mine. She turned to look at me. Her eyes were glassy and huge. She was muttering something I couldn't understand.

"Alice?' I asked frightened. My mind only felt the utter chaos swirling within hers.

"It's moving too fast Bella. Too many variables. Too many options. You'll go and it might be better for you, but not for him. He won't survive losing you. You stay and you'll be unable to stand it. You'll lose your mind." She trailed off.

"She's been like that since you were changed." Carlisle spoke from behind me. He bent and dropped a kiss on top of Alice's head. She seemed not to notice. I looked out the window and saw Jasper watching us. I could see the cloud of emotion around him. Anger, frustration, rage. Most of it was directed at Edward, but some was at me too. _Why did she have to come here? She's tearing us apart. I need to get Alice away from her._

I stared hard at Jasper, sending him a message. I saw his gaze move to me and the surprise register on his face. He nodded once and turned and dashed into the forest.

"What did you say to Jasper?" Edward's hard voice was behind me.

"Couldn't you hear me?"

"You blocked me."

"Oh." I said, rubbing my temples where a pounding headache was beginning to take hold. "I told him I would never hurt Alice."

"There's more, isn't there?"

I sighed and turned to face him. "I made him a promise." Edward stared hard at me for a moment, realizing I wasn't going to say more.

"Alice only sees the future for a moment. You, of all people know that. Her vision changes." I watched him swallow hard. I let my eyes go out of focus and looked into his mind and realized that he already knew what Alice had seen. He already knew the options. The impossible choice.

Edward pulled me to him and wrapped his hard arms around my shoulders. I could feel his chin on the top of my head. My protector, my guardian. "You're not leaving me." He said with conviction. I looked up at his beautiful face.

"Your life or my sanity? There's got to be a third option, right?" I whispered, burying my head against him. Even as I spoke, my head was filled with swirling visions, images and colors. I squeezed my eyes shut, but soon the sound overpowered me. I turned and saw the rest of the Cullen family gathered in the white living room. Esme, so gentle and kind to me in my human form was practically screaming her thoughts at me. _"Don't you dare hurt him!"_ I looked up at Edward, but his face was placid, calm. He hadn't heard it.

Carlisle's feelings were a jumbled mix. He was racing back through his own long memory, trying to recall anything like this happening before. His mind was a speeding bullet and I gulped air as I soared with him, searching for an answer to save his family. I could see the Volturri as Carlisle had seen it for the first time, nearly 400 years ago. I could feel a flicker of fear and hope in him as he thought about the man that might be able to help me.

Carlisle's mind was split into two halves, both working on different fronts. One, a sort of medical and scientific analysis of what was happening and how it could be stopped. The other, a paternal side that was attempting to plot an escape to save Edward from me. I looked into his eyes. They met mine for a brief moment, and then he cast them downward, in a shame that overwhelmed him.

"He's your son." I said out loud. Carlisle's gaze snapped up to meet mine, and then a split second later, to Edward.

"And you're his mate, Bella." I heard his words and felt his sincerity.

Edward turned around slowly and looked at all of us, reading our thoughts one by one. As he finally came back to me, his face softened. He raised his hand and gently touched my cheek.

"I won't leave you Bella." I felt his conviction, yet I also saw a fear blazing within him that consumed me. I swallowed and closed my eyes. I could not keep all the voices and feelings at bay. They clouded around me like a thick fog until I felt like I couldn't breathe. I opened my eyes and looked at him, his eyes glowing now with determination. He was willing me to fight through the haze. I locked onto those eyes, even as I felt the tide of unconsciousness pull me under.


	3. Chap 3 Goodbye Bella

Author's Note:

Thanks so much for reviews, and adding this story to your favorites and alerts. It's much appreciated. Small Warning: this chapter contains some ADULT situations.

Edward's P.O.V.

I carried her up to bed, still unconscious. As I walked, I tried to read her thoughts, but they were a jumble of fragments. I could hear only bits and pieces. _Scared. Mistake. Alone. Save me._

These thoughts in her head tore at my soul, if indeed I had one. Bella was in pain, in agony. I should have known she would have a gift like this. She was so sensitive to me when she was still human. She knew things about me. She sensed things no one else had ever come close to guessing. I was a fool not to realize this would happen.

I gently laid her on our bed. She immediately rolled to her side and curled herself around a pillow, eyes still shut. I smiled at her familiar human habits. I hadn't slept in almost 100 years, but for Bella, it was a muscle memory that she clung to, and for that, I was grateful. Whatever could give her comfort, peace, I would do. I shut the door and headed outside to clear my head. I only got a few hundred yards when I sensed Jasper near.

"Edward."

I felt the almost immediate calming around me.

"You don't need to do that." I snapped.

"Sometimes I don't realize I'm doing it. It's a reflex." He shrugged his shoulders, but I felt the calm recede slightly.

"Where's Alice?" I looked down at the thick greenery at my feet, unable to meet his eyes.

"Rosalie and Emmet took her to Vancouver with them."

"Oh." I hadn't even known they had gone.

"She can't be near Bella."

"I realize that."

"What are you going to do?" he asked. _My God, what a mess_. He said in his thoughts.

"I was hoping to ask Alice."

"She can't see it clearly Edward."

"I know, I just…" I looked at him expecting anger, but saw only compassion.

"She sees a lot of different things. She wants to give you the answer, but she doesn't see it all…" he simply shrugged.

Later that night, I walked the nearly empty house and periodically checked on Bella. I sat down with her worn copy of Wuthering Heights and stared out at the dark mountains. I felt my cell phone buzz in my pocket.

"Hello?"

"Edward."

"Alice. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine now. Don't worry. I just had to call you quickly. I needed to tell you…"

"What Alice?" I asked, now alarmed by her hesitancy.

"You know my visions aren't clear."

"Yes, yes I know all that. I don't want..." she abruptly cut me off.

"Listen to me Edward. I don't know if I can explain this or not, but I'm going to try." I heard her take a deep breath. "It's your mind and hers together. They're mixed together." I said nothing and waited for her to make some sense of this.

"It's like an open channel. She's flowing in and out of you. It's you, Edward. Your unique abilities mixed with hers."

"What do you see Alice? Just tell me." I said, defeated; not knowing if I really wanted to know.

"Oh Edward." I could clearly hear the pain. "She's in a dark place now. I can barely see anything. I'll try again and perhaps I'll be able to see things more clearly without it all tangled." She ended the call. I sat there, stupefied, still holding the open cell phone.

I turned and saw Carlisle standing beside my chair, staring out into the darkness. He grabbed one of the chairs and slid it next to me.

"I don't think we can help her here."

I continued to stare out at the black night, but I felt my hands ball into fists.

"I haven't been in contact with the Volturri yet Edward." He raised his hand to stop my immediate protest. "But I don't know if we have any other options."

"Once the Volturri are involved, there will be no turning back, you know that."

"I believe they can help her. I know there was a vampire there, long ago, that exhibited a type of mind control the likes of which I had never seen. If this man will see her, he may be interested enough to teach her. It's a gamble, I know. Once they have her in their grasp they will not want to return her to us." I came out of my chair and paced the room, furious.

"What kind of choice is that?"

Carlisle rose out of his chair and put his hand on my shoulder, holding me still. "The gamble is that I believe Bella is stronger than this man. I think that once she learns from him, she'll be strong enough to leave."

"Christ Carlisle! That's not going to happen! Are you crazy! This is Bella's life we are talking about!" I fell back heavily into the leather chair. Suddenly I felt a cold hand stroking the back of my neck. I turned and saw Bella standing there, wrapped in the old quilt we had taken from her bedroom at Charlie's house. Except for her eyes, she looked practically unchanged at this moment. Her skin seemed no paler than it had been. Her hair was tossed wildly from bed.

I rose and pulled her around until she stood in front of me. She looked up and pushed her mind into mine. I tried to still my thoughts and feelings. She shook her head and turned to Carlisle.

"You'll contact them for me?" she spoke solemnly and the determination in her voice alarmed me.

"Of course."

"Bella…" I began.

She turned back to face me and I saw her eyes begin to dart back and forth between my eyes. I felt her thoughts start to run forward and backward. I shook her gently. "Bella!"

Her eyes flicked back hard to mine. "I'm okay." Her shaky voice betrayed her words.

I put my palms against each side of her head and kissed her gently. "I will bring you back." I whispered fiercely.

I watched as she closed her eyes and smiled slightly. "My guardian." She whispered as she sagged against me. I looked over her head at Carlisle, suddenly realizing there was more going on than I knew.

"Jasper didn't go to Canada with Alice."

"No, he's needed here."

"He's keeping her calm." I shook my head, furious that Jasper could offer her what I couldn't.

"He can take her to the Volturri."

"No! I'm not putting her on a plane and shipping her off to Italy like some recalcitrant child!" I whispered harshly, looking down at Bella. Thankfully her eyes were closed and she appeared to not have heard me.

"Edward…" Carlisle began. I scooped Bella up and stormed out of the room heading back for the stairs to our bedroom. I put her back down on the bed and stepped back from her, watching her. She swayed slowly from side to side, eyes still closed, but clearly moving wildly beneath the lids.

"Bella?" I whispered as I touched her hand. Her eyes flew open and met mine. She smiled.

"I won't allow…" I couldn't finish my statement. What the hell couldn't I allow? Her to leave? Her to lose her mind? I was powerless.

_I have to go. We both know it, so let's stop dancing around the truth and let it be done._ Her voice rang inside my head like a crystal bell.

She stood up slowly and reached out and encircled my neck with her arms. I felt her hand running up the back of my neck into my hair. Her strong fingers gripped my hair and pulled my head toward hers. She met my lips with a fierce urgency. I returned her kiss and pulled her in tighter. I felt like a drowning man and salvation somehow could be found in the kiss of this woman.

I could hear humming inside my head. I realized with a start that it was her lullaby; the one I had composed for her while I watched her sleep. It seemed like a million years ago that things had been so simple. Her voice hummed it with a perfect pitch that stunned me. It played in both our minds as I gently pushed her back down onto the bed. She lay beneath me, the quilt now discarded, revealing a black silk nightgown. I moved to lay my side, head leaning on my elbow. I touched her shoulder and let my fingers trail along her collarbone. I ran my hand up her delicate throat and into in hair. I lowered my head and kissed her hungrily. I felt her smile against my lips. _We haven't done this yet as vampires. _I laughed out loud at her thought and rolled her over until she was above me. It was such a typical quirky thought for Bella, my Bella. My laugh died on my lips as I realized she may never make it back. She may never be whole again.

My thoughts were quite literally interrupted by her thoughts. _Have faith. Believe in me._ I swallowed hard and focused on the task at hand. At least her body was strong now. The last time we made love, I had been so afraid of hurting her. A second of lost control and she would be crushed to death. Now, her body answered mine with a rhythm all our own. She climbed onto her knees and straddled my legs. She looked down and quirked a perfectly arched eyebrow at my clothes. Then she took hold of my belt and gently unbuckled it. The pants were not so fortunate and were removed by us both with a haste that sent them ripped to the floor. Finally, she bent above me and let her lips trail along my jaw. The black silk strap of the nightgown has fallen off her should to reveal the top curve of her breast. I encircled it until I felt the hitch in her breathing.

She placed a row of kisses from my mouth down to my navel and by the time she met my eyes again, I thought I'd go mad with desire for her. Finally, when I could not bare another moment, she lowered herself onto me and enveloped me. I fisted my hands in the sheets and raised my hips off the bed. She stilled for a moment and I felt the tight clenching from within her. She moved her hips every so slightly in a circular motion that undid me and I could not wait a second more. I felt the moment come and wash over us, taking us both to a place where there were no thoughts, no feelings, except for love. Deep, love. Forever love.

She slid from above me down to my side and I held her tight. I squeezed her tighter than I had ever dared to before and kissed her full on the lips. I tasted her. I drank her in. I looked into her eyes and saw them blazing. I heard her answer a question in my mind I didn't even know I had asked.

_Always. _She said in my mind. Then I realized the question didn't matter because I had my answer.


	4. Chap 4 Edward Waits

**A/N: Sorry for the super-long delay between chapters. I had this chapter in the works already, so I finished it, but I'm sort of on the fence with whether or not to keep this story going. I am one of those who really struggled with Breaking Dawn. It's really thrown me off my game. I had to go back and reread Twilight to sort of get my bearings again and remember where the magic all began….**

**A big thanks for reviews submitted and to all that have tagged this story. Please let me know if you want me to keep going. Suggestions are always welcome. Feedback in general is awesome (except negative--it depresses me). So, without further delay, I present Chapter 4….**

I watched her for six months. I rented an apartment outside the piazza. I could see her sometimes, when the sky was grey and the people were scarce, he would take her outside and they would walk together through the stone courtyard. He held her hand and sometimes she'd close her eyes and turn her face to the sky. Inevitably, he'd pull her attention back to him and she'd look at him and smile. The first time I saw her smile at him, I felt like my chest caved in. I'd only seen that smile a few times before and it was mine. It had been only for me.

I couldn't read her thoughts from this distance, and for that I was grateful. I doubted she could detect my presence either. She wasn't that good at masking, and she gave no indication that she felt me near. We still communicated occasionally. E-mail mostly. She had called occasionally when she first arrived, but not anymore.

One day, she was walking alone in the courtyard on a rare gloomy day. I saw her pull the small silver phone out of her pocket and dial. She put the phone to her ear just as my own phone in my pocket vibrated. Then he joined her outside and she quickly disconnected the call. I watched her frown and close her eyes, but then her face cleared and she smiled at him. She held the phone a moment longer, staring at it. Then she tucked it back into her pocket, all but forgotten.

He touched her hair and gently let his fingers comb through it. He marveled at her beauty. He touched her with reverence and awe. She held his hand and tucked herself into him when he put his arm around her shoulders. She leaned her head against his chest. Lately, she seemed to glow. She was starting to look different. I wondered if it was my imagination, but then I realized that when I saw the occasional member of the Volturri family, they looked the same; pale, white, strange, but not Bella. Or Francisco. They glowed. They looked lit from within, healthy, almost human.

Today, it was bright and sunny. I stayed in my apartment and attempted to distract myself with my books. The phone rang and I quickly flipped it open and saw Alice's number.

"Alice."

"Edward. You've got to come home."

"Is everyone alright?"

"Yes, of course. We're not the one's torturing ourselves. It's you we're concerned about."

"I'm not leaving her Alice." I could hear her frustrated exhalation.

"You're not helping her."

"I don't care what you've seen in your visions Alice." I fought the urge to snap the phone shut.

"She's not the same Edward. She's not the Bella you knew." She said gently. I felt the rise of emotion in my chest and pushed it back down.

"I have faith."

"Oh Edward…" I clearly heard the pain in her voice, but I didn't care if she thought I was delusional. "It's not about having faith."

I fought the urge to hurl the phone against the ancient plaster wall. "I'm not leaving her Alice." I could hear her exhale on the other end of the phone. I disconnected before she could go on. I paced my small room until I felt my temper recede a bit. A glance in the dingy mirror startled me. I walked closer and looked at myself. Haunted, I'd say, if I were inclined to such imagery. The eyes caught my attention. They were black as coal. Was I hungry? When had I last fed? I could not remember. I would go tonight, after sunset.

The night was surprisingly cool. I breathed deeply as I ran in the woods. The smell of the earth and the night made me long for Forks. I missed the damp moss covered woods. The Italian woods smelled different and for whatever reason, I found it a bit distasteful. I wondered what Bella was feeding from. Was He helping her to hunt? Was she feeding off humans? I felt the quiver in my stomach as I remembered her reaction a year ago when she realized the human tourists were a meal for the Volturri. I hadn't been able to read her mind, but her feelings were written all over her face. Disgust. Anger. Horror. I had worried at the time that deep down, that was how she felt about me.

I ran and stopped occasionally to feed from animals roaming in the dark woods. I climbed up the last hill before the city appeared before me when suddenly I felt frozen; absolutely rooted to the spot and unable to move. Then I heard the footsteps from behind me. I strained to turn my head, but was unable to move. I opened my mind to see if I could hear any voices near me, but it was blank. The stranger strayed frustratingly behind me.

"What do you want?" I ground out bitterly.

"You shouldn't be here." She said softly.

Suddenly, I was free from the invisible grasp that held me. I spun around swiftly and took in the sight of her. In six long months I had seen her only from a distance. My hand twitched to reach out and touch her, but I didn't move. She looked angelic. An angelic vampire. I would have laughed at the absurdity of it all if it wasn't the truth.

"Why not?" I countered.

She didn't answer right away, just sighed and looked upward at the darkening sky. "I'm not strong enough Edward."

My long dead heart died a little all over again to hear the pain in her voice. I reached for her now, but she flinched backward. I quickly lowered my arm.

"Strong enough for what?"

"It's a rabbit hole. If I fall down it I'll be better, calmer, but there's no going back. If I don't go with him….well, that's not really an option anymore."

"Francisco, you mean?"

"Of course." She said and smiled at me. For a split second, I saw my Bella, eyes smiling, lips curved. But then the shadow came back and it was gone.

"What's involved?"

"He'll erase all that came before my rebirth. Right now, Francisco says that the new and old me are sort of at war with each other. Each half trying desperately to win the battle." She laced her fingers together and looked down at the ground. "He says something's pulling me away from embracing this new life. Obviously, he knows it's you."

"And when he erases your past, you won't remember anything? Not your mom and dad? Forks? Alice?"

"No."

"And there's no other way."

"He's wanted me to agree to this for a few months now, but I can't seem to do it. I keep thinking there's got to be another way."

"You seem alright now." I probed gently.

"I'm not Edward." Her voice grew hard. "I'm concentrating every second that I'm near you. I'm using all my energy just to stay here, in this moment with you." She looked away.

"Bella." I hadn't even realized I'd spoken her name aloud, but she looked up at me. Her amber eyes so full of pain.

"I have to go now." She turned away and started walking back up the hill. She was perhaps 20 yards away when I spoke to her. I spoke quietly, but I knew she could hear me.

"Don't be afraid Bella. I'll find my way back to you." I watched her back as she continued to climb the steep hill. The clumsy Bella was gone. This Bella seemed to float up the hill and easily leap over fallen logs. She didn't turn around or even slow down at my words. I thought that it didn't matter to her, but then, just as she reached the crest of the hill I heard her soft voice in my head.

"You'd better come find me. I love you still. I'll love you forever."

Another six months past and I hadn't heard from her. Nothing. Not a glimpse, not an e-mail or phone call, and perhaps most worrisome of all, nothing from Alice.

The Volturri had refused to speak to Carlisle, try as he might. Of course they still were unaware that I was residing in their precious city. So many nights I was tempted to just show up at their doorstep. Whenever that temptation came upon me, my cell phone would vibrate in my pocket. The first few times I answered it, and it was Alice of course. All she could say was that if I followed the path my thoughts were leading, she saw nothing further in my future.

The next few times I contemplated showing up, the cell vibrated, but I ignored it. I figured one way or another, Alice would know what happened to me.

But after all my careful plotting, I couldn't do it. Somehow I knew this would only jeopardize Bella and that I could never do.

It was on one of these dark and dreary nights that my thoughts yet again led me inside the fortress that held Bella. I lay on the small bed that came with the sparse flat I had rented. I stared at the cracks in the ceiling and contemplated the next millennium laying right here in this room, waiting for Bella. Suddenly, I heard the faintest creak coming from the downstairs entryway. Vampire, obviously. The speed and relative silence gave away my visitor. For the briefest of moments I thought it was Bella and my cold heart threatened to beat to life again. It was not so of course. I asked my uninvited guest a question even though she was still in the stairwell.

"Why are you here Rosalie?"

"What a question Edward. I'm sure if I'd been Alice or Jasper or even Emmett you would have guessed why they were here." She came into view. Her blonde hair moving only the tiniest bit when she walked. She wore stylish Italian leather boots that clung to her calves. Her midnight blue denim jeans were somehow tucked neatly into the boots. Her cashmere sweater hung past her hips, but hugged them tightly for the desired effect.

"You look subtle Rosalie." I did not conceal my contempt for her.

"Compared to what? You worry too much Edward."

"What I do with my existence in none of your business. You are not wanted and not needed here." I sneered. I was dumbfounded to see the hurt pass momentarily across her face. She quickly hid it in a mask of casual indifference.

"Whether or not you believe me, your happiness is important to me. And besides, I know how to get Bella out."


End file.
